Which begins rather sad,
For when Sophie was a little girl
She lost her mum and her dad.
Princess Sophie was taken then
By her wicked uncle Ming,
Whose only ambition in life was
To become the country's king.
'I'll marry you when you're big enough
To wear a wedding gown.
Till that day you'll be locked away
In a castle far from town.'
In a drafty castle, dull and grey,
With an enormous dragon sat outside
To stop her running away.
The dragon had teeth like knives
And a long forked tongue;
Flames puffed from his nose;
His breath smelled like a badger's bum.
But the world famous league of
'Knights Who Save Damsels In Distress'
Decided saving Sophie would
Make a fine manly test
They vowed to rescue Sophie
And smite the dragon dead,
And defeat wicked uncle Ming's plan
To put a crown apon his head.
With swords and spears for battle
(And scones and tea for their rest),
One by one each knight took on
This awful dangerous quest.
But alas whilst every knight
Was allowed to step in the castle door,
The minute they stepped out again
The dragon gave a fearsome roar.
Some knights it ate up – Gulp!
Others it burnt to crispy toast,
But squishing knights flat was
The thing it enjoyed the most!
After many years there remained
Only one poor little knight,
His name was Edgar, and the trouble was
He did not like to fight.
But nonetheless he polished up
His sword and his thermos flask,
And off he went on shaky legs
To attempt the fearful task.
Outside the castle Edgar stood
Wobblying like a jellyfish
And spluttered: 'Em, eh, hello,
I'm here to rescue you, dear Miss.'
Sophie was suprised to see a knight
Who wasn't all muscles and mustache,
Whilst Edgar blushed shyly
Then gave a nervous laugh.
As fast as lightening love zapped
Between each of their hearts,
And he and she gazed at the other
Whilst giving little gasps.
Outside the dragon flexed
Its mighty metalic form;
Its wings stretched, its mouth snarled;
sunlight flashed from its horns.
As poor Edgar stepped outside again
He heard a terrible crash,
And saw that beast whose very breath
Turned mighty rocks to ash.
But then the little knight stopped
Quaking with shame and fear,
For he saw something most curious
As the terrible beast drew near.
As it roared the monster rubbed
A talon across its belly,
Whilst from its rear did appear
a yellow gas so smelly.
'The poor creature has indigestion,'
Whispered Edgar to the princess,
'A fizzy drink should set it right, I think,
Well more or less.'
Side by side our heroes stood
Shaking cans of fizzy pop.
The dragon opened its fearful mouth...
The beast suddenly leapt upwards,
Then landed upside down,
Its wings twitched weirdly
Whilst it legs flapped around
It rolled about the ground so hard
T'was like an earthquake,
Its eyes birled, its bottom whistled,
Its great belly began to shake.
The creature lept behind a rock,
There came a PLOP and a gasp.
Then: 'Is there any toilet roll?'
They heard the creature ask.
Later, while the dragon savoured
A life of happy tummy bliss,
Sophie and Edgar shared
Then the grateful dragon
Invited them to sit on its back,
And with a roar and a leap
His mighty wings did flap.
Off the friends flew then,
The dragon, the boy and the girl,
To seek new adventures
Images © 2011 Marina Wild