Captain 'Shiver Me Timbers' Sharkey
Was the greatest pirate king,
He fought a thousand navies
And every battle did he win.
Captain Sharkey had a beard, a wooden leg
And a sharp metal hook,
A parrot on his shoulder
That gave you a wicked look.
With his pirate crew he sailed
The seven seas so green,
Chasing clues of fish-tailed girls
- The bonniest ever seen.
On a distant treasure island,
Inside a silver studded yam,
He found an ancient map showing
Where the pretty mermaids swam.
The pirates dodged giant icebergs
With penguins forty foot high,
Endured terrible tempests that spat
Seashells in their eyes.
They fought a monstrous squid
With scales of gold and brass
Till our manly heroes came
To the mermaids' realm at last.
There were the mermaids
Swimming in the glittery sea,
Coral clips in their hair
And flipping their tails with glee.
They were leaping over dolphins,
Tickling tigersharks' tums,
Singing songs to starfish,
Learning secrets from their mums.
'Shiver me timbers!' cried Sharkey,
'We've come to make you our wives,
So leap aboard me fish-tailed girls
For the adventure of your lives!'
'Talk to the hand, old man,'
Cried the boldest of the aqua maids,
Whilst her friends blushed and whistled,
Blew kisses and waved.
Captain Sharkey turned to his men
And whispered, 'Lads, it's war.'
They got the ship's cannon all loaded up,
Lit the fuse, and then ROAR!
The cannon balls flew boom boom boom
But the mermaids just laughed,
And whacked the balls with their tails
As the hairy pirates gasped.
Down went the top sail
And the poop deck blew apart,
But 'Shiver Me Timbers' Sharkey
Just gave a big pirate laugh.
On the terrible battle went
With neither side looking the winner,
When suddenly the pirates realised
It was time for their dinner.
Broken masts were all around,
The poor boat's frame did quake,
But 'Shiver Me Timbers' Sharkey managed
To cook a lovely pasta bake.
'Mmmmm,' sighed the mermaids,
'What is that lovely smell?'
'We'll give you a bit if yi stop hitting us,'
Brave Captain Sharkey did yell.
The fearful thunder of war did cease
And the ocean breathed calm and slow
As the pirates lowered plates of grub
To the mermaids down below.
Well those ladies had never
Ever tasted such a thing,
All their life they'd eaten only fish
Which was really rather boring.
'Can you clean?' they asked
With a simper and a blush.
'Shiver Me Timbers!' cried Sharkey,
'I'm a devil with the brush.'
'If you promise to be clean
And cook us a meal every day,
We'll marry you,' said the mermaids,
'We'll marry you right away.'
So Sharkey and the pirates packed
Dustpans, brushes, pots, forks and knives,
And went down below the waves at last